Hi Everyone!!!Read previous post here!
We’ll go right into this month’s post. Don’t forget that Rabby's contributions will be written in Italics and Barry's will be in bold.
Today, we’ll be sharing on the little we’ve learnt about expectations in a relationship.(yay!!!). We titled it “Past and Expectations” because we each had lives before we met each other and they informed how these notions were formed or whether or not they were met.
Growing up, I had a different perspective of love and relationships as compared to Ewurabena. My father is an Anglican priest and he has always worked full time for the Lord and made his marriage work by keeping his wife happy. He sacrificed spending time with his friends to spend time with his wife. However, he put a lot of time into working at church, and then gave all that was left of his attention to my mother. As such, my mother had to learn over time that she couldn’t always have my dad’s full attention because he had a flock (figuratively speaking, in case you missed it) to tend to and souls to win for the Kingdom of God. So, that influenced how I anticipated things to turn out, especially since I have also been called to a similar path of ministry. It is safe to say I had an expectation of not spending a lot of time with my partner because of ministerial duties. Sigh…
I had personal standards I had managed to keep all my life until I met Ewurabena. Due to this, the major expectations I had before I committed to any relationship, was that whoever I ended up with had a clean slate like me. And yet, here we are… ha! Since it was something I had made very important to me, it was difficult to accept Ewurabena because of her past mistakes. But God showed me a more excellent way – (1 Corinthians 12: 31b & 13)
I also had my fair share of a rude awakening – I like to think everyone in one way or another has some expectation of who they would like to be with. I’m convinced that these expectations form the basis of our disappointments, requests and aspirations in any relationship. As far back as I can remember, I never had my version of a list – a list of attributes that make up the ‘man of my dreams’. But I had expectations (still do) – a lot of them!
Growing up, I simply adored and admired my parents – I never witnessed an argument between them and my father always worshiped the ground that my mother walked on. He still does, though – and it’s more frustrating than awe-inspiring now, because he makes unapologetically clear that her wishes come first and ours (my sister’s and I’s) should take several seats. But I digress.
Seeing this kind of relationship and growing up in that bubble, built a mindset around their union. With that, I didn’t need a handwritten list because I expected that whoever I ended up with, would treat me the same way my father treated my mother. There was no question about it. And yet, here we are… but I really admire her parents’ relationship, and I intend on blending both worlds so that I can be all that and more for her with time. Fret not. (Awww, isn’t that sweet? Come for hug)
It is safe to say that we stepped into the relationship having very different expectations than what reality had in store for us. In spite of that, Alan and I attended a relationship seminar earlier this year and one of the activities we were asked to do was write out the Characteristics of the person we want to marry. Here’s what I put down:
1Must love God above all else
2Must love me above all other else
3Must be prayerful, and know the mind of God
4Must be a terrific listener
5Should be Very very caring
6Must be Very thoughtful
7Selfless
8Proactive
9Helpful
10 Should be a very strong man (masculine, exerts authority and strength and knows what he is about)
11 Should put my feelings first before all others
12 Must be funny
13 Very romantic
14 Should be happy to introduce me to the everyone
15 Should be able to sing!!!
16 Should know how to play a musical instrument
17 Should know how to manage money / spend money
18 Should value my company above anything else, and should show it.
And here’s what I put down:
1. Strong Christian
2. Support system
3. Smart
4. Beautiful
I really tried to get at least 10 points for this list… but chale, I couldn’t go further – honestly, these are my expectations. yay! Looking at Alan’s expectations, they’re not things I’ll find difficult to work towards… On the other hand, my expectations are above and beyond what Alan could ask or think– but God is able to do it!
Additionally, my mother recently explained to me that the relationship she shares with my father had been through over 30 years of hard labour, remolding and pruning – so it will definitely look pleasant. After that, I realized that Alan and I have a relationship that is in a “raw material” state. With time, work and God… it could be much better than what I saw growing up!
Until next time, friends and loved ones… don’t let your expectations limit you – go above and beyond. Always ask the Holy Spirit to counsel and lead you in EVERY step you take… and have a blessed month!!!
[Originally published on 1st June 2017]