Hi Everyone!!! As usual, Rabby's contributions will be written in Italics and Barry's will be in bold to make following easier for everyone. If you are yet to read how our journey started, you can catch up here:
We would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your comments and feedback on our previous posts. It is really encouraging. Now that ‘How it All Started’ is done, we will go on to share how we handle other issues, a lot of which are linked to each other. So, don’t worry if we make a double reference or mention something that we are yet to discuss in detail.
The first thing I would like to say about nakedness is, it’s hard. Especially when you don’t know how the piece of information you need to share will be processed by the other person. Most of the time it takes longer than necessary to be open with each other. How safe is that?
Even though it is hard, it is worth it. If I cannot be emotionally exposed and completely honest with Ewurabena (the person you are dating,) how can I expect her to trust me? And what is a relationship without trust? Again, how can you trust someone you do not know? Being naked with your partner is a step closer to building trust in the relationship.
When we started this relationship, there were times when arguments would come up because of miscommunication, unsatisfied expectations, etc… I particularly remember once when we had a heated argument, (with Ewurabena going on an endless roll) I had to calm her down and remind her that I’m her best friend and not the enemy. (I had seriously taken offense to something Barry had said, and he was completely lost to what the offense was. He said something like: “Baby, we’re on the same team. I’ll never offend you or hurt you intentionally.”). It didn’t immediately solve the problem, but the issue was 80% solved. I brought up this example to explain the need for you to have a clear understanding of where you are in the relationship and where you are going together. Initially, it was very hard to be on the same page with each other, considering we are two different people with separate thought patterns.
Considering Barry and I are still getting to know each other even though we have been together for a long time, I think it really helps to know we are both 100% naked with and committed to each other. It will be a waste of time on both our parts if one of us doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere, while the other is bent on making it to the altar. We had a conversation about expectations, very early in our relationship, and we got to know each other better. (When I say expectations, I’m talking about ‘the list’. You know, the one you have that shortlists prospective candidates) The only requirement Barry had, I didn’t meet – (yet, I stayed)and it took a whole lot of will to be completely transparent about it (We will talk more about this on a whole different topic.)
Now, we make a conscious effort to be naked in how we see ourselves, how we see each other and how we see other things. With this, we can encourage and be there for each other as much as possible. It eliminates a lot of “You should know this…” (How should he or she know if you don’t tell them… lol)
A typical example of how we see each other: I’ve always teased Ewurabena that she has self-esteem issues because she doesn’t see herself the way I do. In communicating to Ewurabena how I see her, she can refine the way she sees herself and become better. Another example is; Barry is a soccer enthusiast – I can sit through a game or two but I honestly can’t be bothered and I absolutely cannot do that very often. (Soccer may be a trivial example, but think big with me).
If it was something heavier and mattered immensely to one person, but wasn’t an issue at all to another, (views on Jesus Christ for example) it won’t make much sense to be quiet about it. If you intend to share your life with someone, you should have both the confidence and security to communicate things that don’t really sit well with you AND be willing and ready to accept/work towards accepting it.
There is something we love to practice; we never to go to sleep angry at each other. It is a biblical principle we hold with high regard in our relationship. So, in situations where we are angry with each other, we make sure we solve it before going to bed.Sometimes Barry apologizes when he genuinely believes he has not done anything wrong just so I can let it go. Later when things are not as heated, we point out our flaws in that situation, so we can learn from our mistakes.
In the same vein, similar efforts should be put into your relationship with God(Osofo!!!).At all times, you should be naked with Him, if you hope to build intimacy and growth. Do this, and you’ll be amazed at how His love can calm your life’s storms.
[First published on 1st April 2017]